Third Eye Realm

Anna tries on her new dress

she just bought at the store

because she lost five pounds

and plans to loose five more

She tries it on two weeks later

to see how it fits

she lost the weight she wanted

but still hates her hips.

She looks in the mirror

and makes a silent vow

to loose ten more pounds

although she doesn't know how.

Soon the compliments came

she lost even more weight

everyone tells her

that she looks great.

Anna looks in the mirror

the dress no longer tight

she smiles to herself

thinking she must be doing something right.

She makes up her mind

to loose a little more

to eat a little less

and go back to the store.

She wants another dress

in a smaller size

but first she must reduce

the size of her thighs.

Anna plans it all out

has it under control

can't wait to loose more weight

so she can put on a show.

Everyone gathers around

coming over, standing near

but what they are saying

is not very clear.

They tell her to stop

they say she looks great

they tell her she does not need

to loose any more weight.

Anna does not listen

to what they have to say

she says it is her body

and she will do things her way.

As her weight continues to drop

she doesn't seem to see

that her life is not the same

as it used to be.

Her entire life was changing

it began to fall apart

she wants to end the madness

but does not know where to start.

Anna ate a little less

each and every day

all she could think about

was how much she wanted to weigh.

She then made up her mind

to loose just five more

and then she would stop

this, she swore.

But it was too late

she was no longer in control

something had taken over

and it was beginning to show.

Anna was not the same girl

that she had once been

she no longer spent time

having fun with her friends.

She looked in the mirror

and saw fat face, belly and thighs

she told herself she was okay

living a life full of lies.

Anna was all alone

there was no one around

to pick her up

when she hit the ground.

She did not understand

why they did not stay

she never wanted

things to be this way.

All Anna wanted

was to loose a little weight

she wanted to turn back time

but it was too late.

Her entire life was taken over

too late to go back now

her life was almost over

and she didn't understand why or how.

Anna looked in the mirror

the image changed before her eyes

she no longer cared

about her hips, belly or thighs.

What she saw in the mirror

was a girl wasting away

bones sticking out

skin milky gray.

Anna fell to the floor

and began to cry

she wanted to be thin

but she did not want to die.

Anna cried out

her friends came back around

they put their arms around her

and picked her off the ground.

Anna wanted to be thin

thin at any cost

but is she had continued to loose

her life would have been lost.

Copyright © 2010 by Jenna Young

Last night I hear the screaming

Same as the night before

It won‟t be long until things get violent

And the police have to come once more.

I curl up in my bed

Scared, sad and alone

No matter how hard I try

I cannot escape from the world I have become trapped in.

I pretend that I am far away

Anywhere but where I am

If I can just get through the night

I might be able to survive the day.

The screaming continues for hours

Until early morning

You finally pass out but it is time for me to get up

Another sleepless night for me.

Yet somehow I must find a way to face the day

As I slowly descend the stairs

I wonder what damage I will find

Trying to shake the disturbing images

From my already troubled mind.

I walk through the remains of the night

Broken glass, beer cans, shattered chairs

I see a hole in the wall and wonder if it is old or new

Not that it really matters.

It is the same scene every night

It starts as soon as the sun goes down

The sound of beer cans opening echoes throughout the house

As if they were bullets piercing me into a terrified silence.

I know tonight it will al start again

And all I will be able to do is wait for the morning light to save me.

Look at you

Standing there

In your business suit

Without a care in the world.

The respect people give you

Is undeserved

If only everyone knew what you did

Sick bastard.

You stole the innocence of the children

Who had given you their trust

You left them bound and broken

By your perverted actions.

You shattered lives

And we live in fear of your very presence

Because you are everywhere.

Your face haunts our dreams

And your voice whispers in our thoughts

Yet you walk free

Unpunished.

Do you not know of the damage you have done

Business man, family man, church man?

Free to live and work anywhere you desire

Among innocent women and children

Because your true self is hidden from the world.

But we know who you are

And what you have done

One day all the children of stolen innocence will stand together strong and united.

We will make our voices heard

And our presence known

No longer will we live in fear.

We will paint your house with a scarlet M

And strip away your false image

Leaving you as vulnerable as we once were.

Then the world will know what kind of person you really are.

Copyright © 2010 by Jenna Young

Bright lights flashing in the quiet night

Changing everything that could have been so right.

Pulled away from the comforts of home

Blindly falling into the unknown.

Crying in the late dark night

Happiness so far from sight.

Dreams of getting away

Dark nights, dazed days.

The hateful words they spoke to me

They said I was worthless, and always would be.

Run away, before it is too late

The joke is on me, this is my fate.

Falling fast to the ground

Wake up, no one is around.

Wow all these words are so heartfelt so deep and so very sad, blessings love x Venus x

I love your work so much!!!!

Venus, yes, they were written from the heart, all through really hard times.  Life is SO much better now

Thank you Luta!  I'll add a few more

I am trapped here in the dark

Undercurrent of thoughts pulling me down

I cannot seem to find a reason

To pull myself back up.

Forgive me

For I have made mistakes

But you are mistaken

About who you think I am.

I opened myself up

Let the darkness pour out

But your hateful words

Have left me dead inside.

I cannot seem to find a reason

To go on in this world full of pain

Though I have nothing more to loose

I have nothing left to gain.

Everyone has turned against me

His word against mine

I was telling the truth

But I guess that doesn’t matter now.

How fast everyone turned

His lies must be easier to believe than the pain that is

THE TRUTH!

Copyright © 2010 by Jenna Young

Blank eyes starring into space

Silent tears running down my face.

I am frightened, terrified and alone

I put myself here, I should have known.

I made the decision to pick up the knife

Though this time I was not trying to end my life.

I ran the blade over my skin

Put it down, and picked it up again.

I was out of control

I did not know what to do

I was out of my mind

Did not have a clue.

I marked up my body

Screaming to the world I was in pain.

I had nothing to loose

And felt I had nothing to gain.

Here sits a grown woman, who acts like a child

Rocking back and forth thumb in mouth

But when she screams

She makes the sound of an animal gone wild.

There is also a twenty-four year old woman

Weighting no more than 70 pounds

Who will do anything to get a hold of food

So she can throw it up while the nurses make their rounds.

She looks in the mirror

While screaming she is fat

She is deathly thin

But does not see that.

There are frail old ladies, wandering around

Not knowing what to do.

Yelling and screaming for no reason

As the confused often do.

This has become a familiar scene

The story of my life

All because when I get overwhelmed

I choose to pick up a knife

Copyright © 2010 by Jenna Young

Sometimes I don’t understand why I do the things I do

There are days when I feel so sad, tired, worthless and blue.

I want to get better, I promise I try

Look how far I have come from the days spent curled up on the floor, wanting to die.

Yet my problems still exist, they are with me everyday

I try to pretend they are not there, but that does not make them go away.

I find myself here on the bathroom floor

Years after telling myself I would not do this anymore.

Trying to rid myself of pain by purging what is inside

My secret is out

No longer can I hide.

Leaning over the porcelain bowl, throwing up once again

This has been a problem for so long, I do not know where to begin.

I remember being fifteen, wanting to loose a little weight

Every morning started with the same debate.

What will I eat? What will the scale say? If I don’t eat all at, tomorrow how much will I weigh?

I sat down that night, eating two single chips, when he came up to me and said “How can you eat those, look at your hips!”

Fast forward four years later

I am out on a date

I knew I should have eaten, but by the time I hit the floor, it was too late.

He picks me off the ground, not knowing what to say

All I can think of is how much I still weigh.

Two years later, in the hospital, unit two

They tell me if I don’t stop I will die, but I don’t believe it is true .

I have traveled down this long uncertain road for seven years, but still don’t know what to do.

I have fought many battles, and will win this one too.

Ten years old

I was happy safe and free

I was given protection and love

My life was all it was supposed to be.

Then one night

Mother’s Day Eve

My mom was taken away

And my happy life I had to leave.

I was shuffled around

Scared, lost and confused

I was no longer given love

Was threatened and abused.

At the tender age of ten

I made the decision to get away

I wrote a desperate letter

And was told I did not have to stay.

Completely alone I traveled to a new state

Scared, lost and confused

But I could not bring myself to say

I had been physically abused.

Eleven years old

I ran into my father’s arms

I believed he would protect me

From further harms.

But one horrible night

As I laid there scared, lost and confused

My father turned into a monster

I was sexually abused.

I didn’t tell anyone

Was silenced by my fears

I wish I would have told someone

So that night wouldn’t have turned into eight dark years.

Sixteen years old

He pinned me down on his bed

I struggled to fight him off

My screams echoing in my head.

After a long hard fight

He gave up and went away

The last part of my innocence

Died that day.

I went into the kitchen

Searching for a knife

The pain was too much

I wanted to end my life.

I couldn’t find one sharp enough

To open up my skin

I fell to the floor in tears

Afraid it would happen again.

Nineteen years old

Scared lost and confused

I turned against myself

My body I abused.

I wanted to disappear

To slowly fade away

I cut to show my pain

I made my body pay.

Twenty-one years old

Ten years of silence was to much to take

The pain took over me

Happiness I could no longer fake.

I broke the silence

Scared, lost and confused

Locked inside a psychiatric hospital

I told them that I had been sexually abused.

Full of anger and pain I was released

I wanted him to know the pain he put me through

I confronted him about what he did

Though this was something I was not ready to do.

His response was short and insincere

Left me torn apart and confused

I felt so hopeless

Betrayed, damaged and used.

That night I made the decision

To end my pain my ending my life

This time I would not be stopped

Because of a dull knife.

I opened up my wrist

Watched as my life flowed out

I no longer wanted to be a part of a world

Full of pain, sorrow and doubt.

I laid down on the floor

Believing death would set me free

Until I realized I didn’t want to die

That there was a life waiting for me.

It took all the strength I had

To save myself that night

Part of me wanted to give up

Part of me wanted to fight.

Twenty eight years old

My life is full of peace, happiness and love

I have found my way out of the darkness

The pain, I rose above.

Copyright © 2010 by Jenna Young